is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
