dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
