just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
