I faked an abortion last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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