Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
