I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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