these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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