I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
