How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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