So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
