You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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