this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
