Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
