Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Boobs speak an international language.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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