Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
