OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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