fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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