the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
