I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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