considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
