Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
