let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
where does the pee come out of this thing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
