So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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