i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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