What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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