did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
