Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
