the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
