State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
