I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
