Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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