Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
