You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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