Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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