This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
