Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
