i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
