i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
