i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i now understand why vodka
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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