Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
