I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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