i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
