i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude. I can hear the air.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
