i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
