Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
