My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
two words: eviction party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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