he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
