I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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