am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
