I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
