Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
