Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
