1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
